


it’s okay, i’m getting used to drowning

by foreverobessed



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, Anakin Skywalker Deserves Better, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker Has Issues, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker Whump, Anakin Skywalker centric, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attachment Issues, Break Up, But it wasn’t intentional, But still talked about certain arcs and subjects, Canon Divergence - Battle of Mustafar, Depressed Anakin Skywalker, Established Relationship, F/M, Hinted at Obi-Wan/Anakin, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mustafar (Star Wars), Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Friendship, Sad Anakin Skywalker, Suicidal Thoughts, Tatooine Slave Culture, first time writing the prequels kinda nervous, for like only a second doe, implied anorexia, kinda bad maybe OOC, low key you could probably see Obi-Wan/Anakin in here, skipped through the prequels and Clone Wars, this is low key bad but it’s fine go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25024234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverobessed/pseuds/foreverobessed
Summary: Anakin his whole life has always kept his emotions bottled up.ORan excuse to write Anakin’s emotions coming at him full force during the prequels and clone wars.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 14
Kudos: 193





	it’s okay, i’m getting used to drowning

**Author's Note:**

> my inspiration for this was like I need more anakin skywalker whump, this is my first time ever writing like the prequels characters so sorry if it’s bad or OOC but hope y’all have an amazing day night or afternoon and hope y’all enjoy reading! <333

Anakin has been drowning ever since he could remember. Ever since he was small he would just feel so angry. Angry at the fact that him and his mother were slaves and no one bothered to help him. He never cried out his frustration or sadness however. Ever since he was younger all the children when they were hurt would get told, “Crying is a waste of water,” and “Crying is for the broken slaves.” So the children listened and never cried.

When Qui-Gon came he was the only person so far that actually  _ cared  _ but when they were in hyperspace he realized that he didn’t  _ truly  _ care, if he truly cared he would’ve helped free his mother. 

After Qui-Gon died and he got separated from the pretty Naboo queen, he felt sort of numb. He didn’t care when the other padawans would whisper behind his back about him, and he didn’t care when he had no friends his age himself. So, Anakin spent his time practicing saber techniques, using the Force, meditating (which he  _ despised  _ but Obi-Wan insisted), and he would always be tinkering with something. He didn’t really care being numb, the Jedi weren’t really supposed to feel anything anyway. He felt a flash of emotions when him and Obi-Wan would spar, and Obi-Wan would praise him with a smile. Him and Obi-Wan were closer than other padawans and their masters.. to Anakin he was his best friend, his brother.

He was better than all of the other padawans, despite starting early and the other padawans hated him because of it. He ignored them though, and when he got reunited with Padmé his heart soared, but he couldn’t get out of his head the dreams of his mom dying. Anakin tried to ignore it, and it was easier when he was with Padmé. It was easier to feel something, easier to feel afloat, easier to feel like he wasn’t an outsider. 

When Padmé denied his advances and told him to get back into the real world he realized he exchanged a pair of cuffs for another. That rage in him just got worse when his mother died in his arms. His hands were shaking, and his mind was  _ screaming  _ at him to do something, his mother was  _ dead.  _ As he slaughtered all the Tusken Raiders he ignored his mind  _ you’re pathetic, weak, useless. You’ll never be a good enough Jedi, you couldn’t even save your own mother. Now look at you, a monster. What would the Council think of you? What would Obi-Wan think of you? What would your mother say?  _

Anakin felt even more rage as they were being tied up to be executed at Geonosis, right after Padmé kissed him and declared her love for him. He didn’t want his best friend or Padmé to die; he wouldn’t allow it. So, when he faced Count Dooku and he was the reason for this he couldn’t just wait, he wanted to strike, and what did that get him? Just a prosthetic hand.

Anakin stared at his hand, clenching it and hearing the gears inside of it move. “It’s not that bad, Ani.” Padmé said with a smile, it was just after they had exchanged vows and she was still in her dress. She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

“I hate it.” Anakin murmured, still looking at the  _ fake  _ hand. “I don’t want to hurt you.. I don’t know how to control it quite yet.” Prosthetic hands were quite strong, way stronger than a normal human’s hand. He was scared of pulling her elbow too hard and causing bruises, or squeezing her hip and leaving a handprint.

Padmé just smiled up at him, cupping his cheek, and teasingly and lightly tugging on his padawan braid. “I know you won’t do it on purpose. I’ll still love you no matter what, I promise.” Anakin smiled at her, and Padmé secured that promise with a kiss. 

Soon after that the Clone Wars started and he was knighted. The thrill of being a Knight delighted him, he loved action. Luckily enough for him, him and Obi-Wan were paired together more often than not. He ignored the pit in his stomach of missing Padmé and the doubt in his head. He had his own squadron of men to protect, the 501st legion. He became close to them, they became brothers in everything but blood. They would put their life on the line for each other. Obi-Wan and Anakin worked together quite well during battle, getting the nickname, “The Team.” 

Anakin got his own padawan, Ahsoka Tano. He saw himself in her, the recklessness, and the impulsiveness, and the disregard to follow orders. She was like the little sister he never had, and he was always happy to teach her different saber techniques and just banter with her. He finally felt _happy,_ (besides the fact that he didn’t get to see Padmé often, but he’d always try to call her and see her when he was on Coruscant) he could ignore the whispers in his head that _they’ll leave you eventually, everyone does, they’ll realize you’re just a monster_ and the whispers of the Jedi using him. 

The Chancellor kept giving him these looks as he passed him in the Senate Building as if he  _ knew _ everything Anakin thought. Even when Anakin wasn’t looking at him, the hair on the back of his neck would stand up and the Force would whisper something to him that he could never make out and he knew Palpatine was staring at him. 

The war went on, and it got harder and harder as the years passed. Anakin had to keep his men safe, his padawan, and his wife. As soon as he laid eyes on Rush Clovis The Force around him whispered into his ears to watch out, whispering to him that he needed to protect his wife. So he did, leaving Clovis stranded on that planet. 

On Mortis grief and anger filled his body as he stared at Ahsoka’s dead form on the pavement. It was  _ his job  _ to protect her and he failed.  _ Like you fail everything  _ his mind murmured,  _ like you failed your mom, like you failed Kitster and the other slaves on Tatooine that used to be your friends I thought you were going to free them. Guess you’re a liar and a failure then.  _

When The Son showed him his future on Mortis he couldn’t really believe it.  _ You’ve always been a monster  _ his mind crooned to him  _ this just proves it. Look what you’ve done to Padmé, look what you made Obi-Wan do, look what you become. Master Windu was right about you, you never should’ve joined the Jedi Order.  _

When he saw Obi-Wan looking at him with that reassured smile on his face, Obi-Wan was  _ happy  _ that his Padawan was okay. It filled him with rage,  _ knowing  _ what Obi-Wan would do to him in the future. “Anakin, are you alright?” Obi-Wan gently poked at his shields. 

Anakin would usually put them down but now he just stared at him with malice. “There has been a change of plans.” He used the Force to push the vehicle into the lava surrounding the platform. “Sorry.” He added hastily, he still cared for Obi-Wan. Kriff, even seeing into the future where Obi-Wan would force him to be into that suit the rest of his life, he still would die for him. “You will not understand what I have to do to end the Clone War, you will  _ try  _ to stop me.”

The Son used his red lightning to electrocute Obi-Wan, and Anakin ignored his mind screaming at him  _ Help him! You’re becoming Vader already. Are you going to kill innocent people too? _

Obi-Wan held his side with one hand, still on his knees and with desperation in his voice called out, “Anakin! Why?”

“I’m sorry. I have seen the Jedi will stand in the way of peace.” He looked over at his Master, and gave him a sad but malice smile. “You will betray me, Master. I cannot.. become this  _ thing _ that I’ve seen I will become.” He ignored the feeling of Obi-Wan staring at him as he sped out of the lava pit. 

Later, on the ship Obi-Wan would stare at him with a look that Anakin couldn’t quite understand. “What is it?” Anakin asked him.

“Nothing.” Obi-Wan said, still looking at him kind of calculating. “Just something you said earlier… Do you remember anything?”

“Not really.” Anakin said, tearing his eyes off of Obi-Wan’s calculating blue ones. After that his old Master dropped it but he could still feel him pondering it sometimes. 

On Zygerria he felt rage that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He was used to keeping it all bottled up, anger wasn’t the Jedi way. Slavers never failed to make him furious, as he flirted with the Queen he felt sick to his stomach.  _ Please forgive me, Padmé,  _ he thought as he whispered sweet nothings and promises of more to the Queen in front of Ahsoka. He could feel Ahsoka rolling her eyes, and he softly grinned at that. 

The Queen’s advances made him feel sick, the trailing of her fingers along his shoulders, the arms wrapped under his armpits, her hands on his chest, and the seductive words. It reminded him of the Twi’leks back in Jabba the Hutt’s Palace, they never liked the attention but they  _ had  _ to put up with it.

“You were a slave, weren’t you?” Miraj asked, her fingers tapping on the armrest of her throne. “You have that look in your eyes, as if you know what’s coming next.”

Anakin looked at her on the throne, how easy it would be to just grab his lightsaber, ignite it, and kill her, or how easy it would be to reach out and just cut off her oxygen supply. He clenched his robotic hand, letting out a deep breath. “Yes, I was.”

Miraj just gave him a seductive smile, getting up from her throne and walking up to him, and trailing her fingers over his Zygerrian breastplate. “Then I guess you’re already pretty well trained, huh? I mean you were a slave… and now a Jedi. Someone’s always telling you what to do, you’re just an obedient dog on a leash.” She kissed the spot behind his ear and it made him sick. “But even the most obedient dogs eventually bite back.” She whispered to him. 

Those words followed him, even after they left Zygerria. He looked out from the bridge, he felt Ahsoka walk up from behind him and place his hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” Ahsoka asked, concern surrounded her force signature.  _ I should really work on her mental blocks next time we train,  _ Anakin thought to himself.

“I’m fine.” Anakin bit out. Anakin could tell from her force signature that she didn’t believe that but she didn’t bring it up again. 

When Anakin felt Obi-Wan’s life force leave him he felt so  _ angry _ . Someone murdered his Master, best friend, his  _ brother.  _ It would be so easy to just kill the man who killed Obi-Wan, and Anakin wouldn’t even care. He could reach out with the Force and strangle him or snap his neck, but grudgingly he knew Obi-Wan wouldn’t want him dead so he sent him to prison. 

Then the Council and Obi-Wan revealed to him that Obi-Wan was still  _ alive,  _ he was angry at the Council and Obi-Wan for not trusting him, but mostly sad at the thought of Obi-Wan  _ didn’t  _ tell or trust him. Anakin had never been  _ so  _ close to crying after that. He felt his eyes watering up, but he repeated to himself  _ crying is a waste of water, crying is a waste of water, crying is a waste of water, crying is a waste of water, crying is a waste of- _

__ Anakin was a Jedi Knight, he didn’t  _ cry.  _ He wasn’t a broken slave, he wasn’t. He pushed down his anger, his mistrust, his doubt, his sadness.  _ There is no emotion, there is peace.  _ Anakin told himself, staring at himself in the mirror. He had just gotten out from a shower and had a towel wrapped around his waist, and scars littered his forearms, torso, chest, legs, basically anywhere. He couldn’t remember half of them, some of them were from slavery (the long white scars on his back from a whip still stud all these years later), some from training as a Padawan, going on missions as a Knight, and now leading the 501st legion as a General, protecting his men and his Padawan. 

Sometimes Anakin didn’t recognize the man staring back at him. The man with a scar that just barely missed his eye, the man with deep dark circles under his eyes, the man with their ribs jutting out, the man with a prosthetic hand, the man with this  _ look  _ in his eyes. He stared at himself, practicing a wobbly smile. He inhaled deeply and looked away. He didn’t even know who he  _ was  _ anymore. He wanted Padmé to tell him that everything was fine, and card her fingers through his hair. 

“Anakin.” Ahsoka said, banging on the bathroom door. He tore his eyes away from his reflection, and his scarred body. He took a deep breath in through his nose, and opened the door. 

Ahsoka grinned at him, “Doing your hair again, Skyguy?”

Anakin could do this, act like everything was fine with Ahsoka. It was easy to pretend everything was fine when he was with people he liked. “Not everyone can have as good of hair as me, Snips.” He said, grinning at her with a tilt to her voice. He passed her, heading to his quarters on the ship with a clap to her shoulder. When he turned his back to her, the grin fell off his face. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach and he just wanted Padmé. 

-

“Ahsoka I’m so sorry.” Anakin said, looking at his Padawan. “For everything.” He never lost faith in Ahsoka, he knew she would never betray the Order. He was mad at the Council for blaming everything on her, and he was mad at Barriss. He couldn’t believe that she just turned her back on Ahsoka like that. 

“You have our most humble apologies, little ‘Soka.” Master Plo Koon said to Ahsoka, giving her a little nod. “The Council was wrong to accuse you.”

“You have shown such great strength and resilience in your struggle to prove your innocence.” Master Saesee said.

“This is the true sign of a Jedi Knight.” Ki-Adi-Mundi said to Ahsoka. Ahsoka continued to stay silent. 

“This was actually your great trial.” Master Windu said. “Now, we see that. We understand that The Force works in mysterious ways and because of this trial you have become a greater Jedi than you would have become otherwise.”

“Back into the Order, you may come.” Yoda said, gripping his stick. 

Anakin stepped forward, in front of Ahsoka. “They’re asking you back, Ahsoka.” Anakin reached for his pocket, holding out her Padawan braid in his palm. “ _ I’m  _ asking you back.”

Ahsoka looked down at his palm, and back up at him. Anakin smiled at her, and just when she was reaching for it she folded his fingers back. 

She looked up at Anakin, sadness surrounding her force signature. His eyes widened, “I’m sorry, Master, but I’m not coming back.” She turned away from him. 

Anakin looked back down at his hand in shock, and looked back up at the doors closing behind her retreating form.  _ Please, please don’t do this to me, Snips,  _ he thought as he chased Ahsoka. 

“Ahsoka wait! Ahsoka, I need to talk to you.” He said to Ahsoka as he caught up to her in the hanger. Ahsoka couldn’t leave him too, not  _ her.  _ His Padawan, his student. He felt like he failed protecting her in the first place when no one believed her innocence in the trial, just him. “Why are you doing this?” The  _ to me,  _ and the  _ to us _ lingered over them. 

Ahsoka turned back, meeting his blue eyes with her own. “The Council didn’t trust me, so how can I trust myself?”

Anakin wanted to scream at her to not leave him, to leave him, Obi-Wan, and Padmé. He wanted to tell her all about his own struggles with the Council, and his own struggles with his  _ life.  _ He wanted to tell her the Council wasn’t always right. “What about me?” Anakin’s voice cracked, he looked at her with sad eyes. “I believed in you. I stood by you.” 

Ahsoka looked at him with a sad little smile, “I know you believe in me, Anakin, and I’m grateful for that. But this isn’t about  _ you.  _ I can’t stay here any longer, not now.” 

Anakin’s head screamed at him to make her stay, to not let her leave him, and that this was all  _ his fault.  _ “The Jedi Order is your life, you can’t just throw it away like this. Ahsoka, you are making a mistake.”

“Maybe.” Ahsoka said, acknowledging his statement. “But I have to sort this out on my own, without the Council and without  _ you.”  _

It felt like she just plunged a knife into his chest and twisted it. His mouth felt dry, he felt sick to his stomach.  _ You’re the reason she’s leaving  _ his mind whispered to him  _ everyone always leaves you eventually, Ani, and it’s always your fault you drive everyone away.  _

Anakin turned away slightly, trying to regain his bearings. “I understand,” He said, he was surprised his voice didn’t betray him for once. On the inside his mind was screaming at him, he was grieving for his Padawan that was about to walk away from him. “More than you realize, I understand wanting to walk away from the Order.” He was extending an olive branch, and he hoped she’d take it but knew she wouldn’t. He truly did understand wanting to walk away, he didn’t want to hide anymore what he felt for Padmé, he was disagreeing with the Council more and more everyday (they always seemed to be lying to him nowadays, giving him glances in the Temple Halls that made him wonder what they weren’t telling him), and their way of life was dragging him down. 

“I know.” Was all Ahsoka said to him, as she turned his back to him, snapping his olive branch in half. He swallowed back the guilt of his Padawan leaving, and pushed back down his anger, his doubt, his guilt, and his sadness. He was all alone again, just him and the 501st Legion. (Him and Obi-Wan we’re starting to be assigned less and less missions together, he didn’t know what the Council was trying to see what he would do). As he watched her retreating form he repeated his mantra to himself,  _ crying is a waste of water. Crying is a sign of a broken slave.  _

-

When Clovis told Anakin to stop using his Jedi tricks and start fighting like a man, his anger came rushing to the surface. He had no issue plummeting the man with his fists, no issue slamming his knee into his torso, he had no issue  _ hurting  _ this man. Anger always seemed to surround him now, earlier when Obi-Wan has said him and Padmé had to remain friends made him angry. 

What did he know? Him and Padmé were doing just  _ fine  _ and they had been married since the start of the war. Distantly, while he kept just hooking his fist into Clovis’ face he heard Padmé call out and try to stop him. Finally, he came to his senses and pulled away from Clovis’ bruised and bloodied form. 

Padmé got Clovis out of the room and came back and Anakin was sitting on some stairs.

“How is he?” Anakin asked.

“Nothing that won’t heal.” Padmé’s words sounded bitter. 

“I-I’m so sorry, Padmé.” He apologized, standing on his feet as she walked over to him. “I don’t know what’s coming over me.” It sounded like a flimsy excuse, even to him, but it was the truth.

“What’s done is done.” Her voice was cold, and Anakin hated it. She walked past him, and he turned around her back facing him. 

“It’s just… when I saw you about to kiss him-“

“And I regret that.” Padmé interrupted, “but it was not what you thought and you must know I don’t care for Clovis.” Padmé sat on the couch. 

“Don’t you?”

“I’ve told you why I’m doing this, and still you refuse to accept it.” Padmé said, as Anakin sat down next to her. “You could have killed him, Anakin.”

“I know.” Anakin looked down at his hand. 

“This marriage is not a marriage, Anakin. If there isn’t any trust.” She turned away from him slightly. “We said at the beginning that this could be a terrible mistake.”

Anakin turned to look at her in disbelief, “What exactly are you saying?”  _ Please, Padmé, not you too.  _

__ Padmé turned to look at him, sadness in her eyes. “That other people who are married have everything that we don’t! Everything that we won’t. We live in secret, Anakin, like it or not,” Padmé got up from the couch, “Our relationship is built on lies and deception. No relationship can survive that.”

“I know I went too far, it’s just,” Anakin exhaled deeply, “it’s just something inside of me snapped.”

“I don’t know who’s in there, sometimes.” Padmé stopped walking away from the couch and turned back to it, where Anakin sat. “I just know that I’m not happy anymore. I don’t feel safe.”

Anakin couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  _ Your own wife is scared of you, you really are a monster.  _ Anakin got up from the couch, “But Padmé-“ he walked towards her, her back facing him was like when Ahsoka turned and left him.  _ Please, Padmé don’t do this to me- _

__ “I think it’s best if we should see each other, anymore.” She turned her head over her shoulder, her brown eyes meeting his blue ones. “At least not for now. I’m sorry, Anakin.” She started to walk towards the door.

“I’m sorry too.” Anakin said, turning around so he didn’t see her retreating form and wanting to follow. He clenched his fists and briefly heard Padmé’s Captain asking her if she was alright. He blocked out his response, and walked towards his ship.  _ Crying is a waste of water. Only broken slaves cry. _

-

Miraj was right, he did bite back eventually. He was tired of everything, tired of this war still dragging on, tired of the  _ Council.  _ The Council made him spy on Palpatine, despite the Chancellor making the Force around him swirl he still trusted him, against his better judgement, and the Council made Anakin spy on him! The only one who  _ never  _ left Anakin, the one who always let him rant and made him feel like his emotions were justified. 

He breathed in the hot Mustafar air, he saw Padmé’s Nabooian Skiff land and he was preparing to face her. 

“Padmé, I saw you land.” Anakin embraced her with a smile, he closed his eyes and felt her force signature, and their baby’s. 

“Oh, Anakin!” She cried, wrapping her arms around her husband’s waist. 

“It’s all right, you’re safe now.” He soothed, putting his head on top of hers. “What are you doing out here?”

“I was so worried about you.” She murmured into his Jedi robes. “Obi-Wan told me horrible things.”

Anakin felt his tension and anger come out. “What did he tell you?”

She pulled away slightly, both their hands still clasped together. “He said you have turned to the dark side.. that you killed Jedi.” Anakin knew he was supposed to kill the younglings, but he couldn’t. He saw the desperate look in their eyes as he ignited his blue saber and it reminded him of himself on a desert plane, as one of his many Masters prepared to whip him. So, he directed them to safety in the hangar and got one of the older kids to pilot them out of there. 

Anakin felt anger at Obi-Wan; he didn’t understand what Anakin  _ had  _ to do, and didn’t understand what he was feeling. He came to Yoda for help with his visions and Yoda did  _ nothing.  _ Mace had never trusted him despite being a very good strategist and General, and it drove Windu to his death by Anakin’s hand. The Council drove away Ahsoka, the Council was  _ corrupt.  _

“Obi-Wan’s trying to turn you against me.” She had to believe him, she had to. 

Padmé looked up at him, fiddling with the edge of his robes. “He cares about us.”

“Us?” Anakin asked, with disbelief in his voice. When did Obi-Wan ever care about him? He sure didn’t seem to care when he didn’t tell Anakin that he was going to fake his death, and he  _ used  _ him to make it seem believable.

“He knows… he wants to help you.” A part of Anakin wanted to take up that offer,  _ do it. He doesn’t want to leave you, he wants to help you.  _ The voice sounded suspiciously like Padmé, but the other part of him yelled at him that he’d leave him regardless that Padmé would leave him. 

The dreams of Padmé dying in childbirth haunted him. He couldn’t lose her too, not her. She was the only thing that he seemed to  _ live  _ for, sometimes it would just be so easy to accidentally not dodge a lightsaber swing or a blaster, and just fall to the ground and not get up. He was so  _ scared,  _ he was surprised the other Jedi didn’t feel it surrounding him. 

“Is Obi-Wan going to protect you?” He asked, cupping her cheek and swiping his thumb over her cheekbone. Her stature was so delicate compared to his, sometimes he was worried about hurting her. “He can’t… he can’t help you. He isn’t strong enough.”  _ I am.  _

“Anakin,” She breathed out, looking up at him with  _ those  _ eyes. He would bring the galaxy to its knees for her. “All I want is your love.”

“Love won’t save you, Padmé.” And he did love her,  _ so, so much.  _ He would do anything for her, become a slave again for the rest of his life, kill anyone, he would do  _ anything.  _ “Only my new powers can do that.” He reached up to tuck another loose strand behind her ear. 

“At what cost?” Padmé said, grabbing his wrist and lacing their fingers together, kissing his knuckles. “You are a good person. Don’t do this.”

“I’m not a good person though, Padmé!” Anakin cried out, turning away from her. “Everyone around me,  _ leaves.  _ I’ve done unspeakable things.. bad things. No one ever trusts me! The only explanation for that is that I’m a bad person! I can’t lose you the way I lost my mother, Padmé.” He squeezed his eyes closed, ignoring the tears welling in his eyes.

She grabbed his forearm, and spun him so he faced her. “It’s okay, Ani.” Padmé reached up, and cupped his cheeks. “It’s okay to cry.”

Anakin felt his bottom lip begin to wobble, but Padmé pressed on. “Come away with me, help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can.”

Anakin looked at her, pushing down his sudden wave of sadness. “Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore, we don’t have to  _ hide  _ anymore.” He put his hands on her stomach. “I’m so tired of hiding. I’ve brought peace to the Republic, I can overthrow the Chancellor. You and I can rule the galaxy, Padmé.” She pulled away, and he held his hand out for her. 

“I don’t believe what I’m hearing.. Obi-Wan’s right, you have changed.” Padmé looked at him with disbelief in her eyes. 

“I don’t want to hear about Obi-Wan anymore.” Anakin spit out the name like it was poison. “The Jedi turned on me, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan turned on me too! Don’t you turn on me like  _ them!” _

“Anakin,” Padmé said with pity in her tone, “It’s okay to miss them… but… I don’t know you anymore. Anakin, you’re breaking my heart. I’ll never stop loving you.. but you’re going down a path I can’t follow.”

“You can’t leave me too!” Anakin cried out at her; Anakin was so scared of being alone, of her leaving him, of her betraying him, “Are you doing this because of Obi-Wan?”

“Because of what you’ve done… what you are going to do. Stop now! Please! Come back, I love you.” Padmé eyes started to tear up. “I can help you! I know you’re hurt about the war, and the Jedi, and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka but please just.. Ani, I can help you.”

Anakin looks up and sees Obi-Wan on the Naboo Cruiser. “Liar!”

Padmé looks behind her and curses, “No!”

Anakin looks back at Padmé, hurt in his eyes, “You’re with him! You brought him here to kill me, you betrayed me! Like everyone else…” 

“No..! Anakin I swear I didn’t bring him here! I didn’t even know he was onboard!” The Force rang true at that statement. 

“You will not turn her against me!” Anakin screamed out at him, as Obi-Wan came closer to them. “You will not take her from me!”

Padmé looked up at him, taking one of his hands in hers and the other cupping his cheek. “You have me.” 

He spun away from her, “You’re lying to me! You’re going to leave me for him!” He turned towards Obi-Wan, dropping his cloak, and grabbed his lightsaber from his belt. 

Obi-Wan sauntered forward, also dropping off his cloak, a little bit of confusion and desperation in his eyes. “Anakin, let us help you.”

“You’re tricking me!” Anakin cried out, igniting his lightsaber and holding it out to Obi-Wan’s chest, just a couple feet away. 

“Anakin, I don’t want to have to do this.” Obi-Wan said, sparing a glance at Padmé.

“Anakin, please! We want to help you!” Padmé held out her hand for him, as he himself had done a couple minutes prior. He screwed his eyes closed, feeling a lone tear trail down his cheek. 

“Get away from me!” He cried out at them, stepping back and dropping off the platform, landing on a pipe.

He still had his lightsaber at his side, ignited. Obi-Wan dropped down from behind him, and Anakin whirled around. “Please!” Obi-Wan cried out at Anakin, his lightsaber in his hand but not ignited. “Let us help you.” 

Anakin ignored him, and whirled his saber to strike Obi-Wan’s side but their blue sabers met. Each time Anakin tried to strike Obi-Wan he would block or dodge but he never once moved to strike Anakin. Anakin flipped away and landed on some panels that were floating in lava, Obi-Wan continued to follow him. 

“I have failed you Anakin.” Obi-Wan said, looking at Anakin sadly. “I have failed you.”

“I should have known you would turn on me! Like everyone else!” Anakin continued to try to land a blow on Obi-Wan, and jumped away from him on solid ground. 

“Anakin.. please.” Obi-Wan said, still standing on the floating platform. 

“No! You betrayed me!” Anakin cried out at Obi-Wan. “Y-You didn’t even want to take me on when I was a child! You always resented me!”

“Anakin that’s not true!” Obi-Wan protested, “I wasn’t prepared to take you on, that I admit, but I  _ love you,  _ Anakin.”

Anakin screwed his eyes shut and looked away, he felt Obi-Wan jump right next to him, and grab his wrist that had his ignited lightsaber in it. He felt Obi-Wan slowly press the button to it, and clip it to Anakin’s belt. 

“It’s okay, Padawan.” Obi-Wan said to him in a soothing tone, putting his hand on Anakin’s shoulder and making Anakin face him. He pulled Anakin to embrace him, Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Anakin’s waist and Anakin clenched his fists against Obi-Wan’s chest. Usually, Anakin would have a couple inches on Anakin but Obi-Wan was standing on a small mound. 

Anakin felt hot tears run down on his face, and Obi-Wan tilted his cheek up and brushed them away with his thumbs. “C-Crying is a waste of water.” Anakin murmured, recalling the words. “Crying is for broken slaves.”

“Oh, Ani.” Obi-Wan said sadly, continuing to brush his tears. “We’ve lived on Coruscant for years now. It’s not a waste of water, crying is for the people who are overwhelmed. It’s okay to cry.”

“Skyguy!” Anakin’s blood ran cold at that voice.. he pulled away from Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan still was lightly grabbing his wrist. He saw Ahsoka and Padmé rushing towards him. 

Ahsoka rushed at him, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders tightly. “Snips…” 

She pulled away from him, and put both her hands on a shoulder. Her blue eyes met his red rimmed ones, tears still coming down slowly. “I’m so sorry, Anakin. I never knew what me leaving would do to you…” She trailed off, and her blue eyes shined. “I’ll never leave you again, Skyguy. Not again.” 

Anakin looked away, not wanting his Padawan to see him cry. Ahsoka wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him again, and he felt Padmé come up and hug him from behind, her arms going around her waist. Anakin rested his head on top of Ahsoka’s. He felt Obi-Wan wrap his arms around all of them, then he realized in that moment that this would be the first time they’ve all hugged. 

Ahsoka pulled away and looked up at him, smiling. She held out his hand for him. “Come on, Skyguy. Let’s go kick the Chancellor’s ass.”

Anakin looked down at her hand and back up at Ahsoka, he felt like he was Ahsoka when he was offering her to come back to the Jedi Order, but unlike Ahsoka he took it with a smile. 

THE END

  
  


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**Author's Note:**

> I made Anakin pretty paranoid and I have a reason for that, ever since he was younger people have always left him. When he was a little boy his other friends were most likely sold away and then they left so when he gets older he just gets attachment issues, and Ahsoka leaving the order really throws him off the edge. I did skip and skim through Clone Wars quickly bc I just really wanted to do some of my favorite arcs and arcs that I thought would go best with the story. In the last scene where Anakin is on Mustafar and trying to get away from Padmé and them I kind of imagine him as like a cornered animal whose lashing out at everything around them bc he’s very scared of Padmé dying and being left alone. 
> 
> ANYWAY I HOPE YALL ENJOYED THIS STORY leave kudos and comments if you want if you don’t idc it’s your choice love y’all <3


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